Rumble in the parking lot on Black Friday, starring the Smart Fortwo.

I’m not usually one to do much Black Friday shopping, and I certainly don’t shop on Thanksgiving itself, but I did venture out into the retail world this past Friday.  Because I was up and driving home from downtown Minneapolis at about three in the morning anyway on Friday, I decided to hop on the interstate and swing by Best Buy, where I bought their black Friday sale special Microsoft Surface tablet on which I am writing this post.  You’re reading the post, so one can safely surmise that the tablet works.  I have an iPad, and I actually prefer it to the Surface now that I own one of each, but the iPad does not let me work on my blog….  It only lets me drop pictures in at the top half of the first page of text.  Not sure why it does that, but it does.  Score one for the Surface tablet, I suppose. 

 

But this blog isn’t about tablet pcs vs. the iPad.  This is supposed to be about cars.  Rest assured, I am gradually working my way around to the topic at hand.  I just started off pretty far from the mark as opposed to my normal derailment of thought that carries us away from the main subject and off into tangent land.  Anyway, after I got home from Best Buy, which was in almost no time at all because there weren’t any lines when I got there, I messed around with my new Surface for a while before calling it a night.  I was going to go to the gym as planned, but between the novelty of the new electronic device and the fact that my boxing gloves smell funny and I’ve been thus far reluctant to experiment with sending them through the washing machine, I decided the gym could happen another night.  By the way, if any of my readers out there happen to know about how to properly wash boxing gloves, please share your insights. 

Where was I?  Oh right, I was being lazy about going to the gym and was staying up late playing with my new toy.  So eventually, I called it a night, and woke up in the early afternoon Friday.  I realized that I am supposed to bake some stuff for this get together at my sister’s house Saturday, so I got up and went grocery shopping.  One of my many stops in search of gluten free sugar cookie dough for this recipe I’m making happened to be a Target store.  I noted that the black Friday shoppers had brought with them a shopping element that displayed the inconsiderate habits you typically see from Wal Mart shoppers, that is, just abandoning shopping carts in the lot after they’re done with them.  I therefore bypassed even the normal distanced parking area I like to leave my car at to avoid cart dings, and drove around to the side rear of the store.  There were still plenty of cars around, but I found a spot to park where there were empty spaces on either side of the stall I drove into.  This approach to parking can usually be counted on to protect one’s car because typically, people who are too lazy to walk their carts back to the cart corral are also too lazy to hoof it halfway around the building to get into the store. 

 

 

 As I was putting my car in park, I saw the guy parked closest to me shove his red shopping cart into the empty spot between my Mustang and his car, a white and blue Smart ForTwo that looked a lot like this one I have pictured here, but did not feature the Car2go logo, then, he walked around and got behind the wheel of his car.  I gestured at his cart from inside my car, and he pretended not to see me.  I got out and noticed the smug little grin on his face as he was backing out of his parking space, so I pointed to his cart and said “nice work, douche bag!” to which he responded by flipping up his middle finger at me, then he drove away in his ridiculous car, which was not actually all that much larger than the damn shopping cart he so thoughtlessly flung into the parking lot.  I ended up hauling his stupid cart back to the corral, cursing him and his car the whole way.  I mean, this guy was a perfectly able bodied 20-something year old man –there’s no reason why he could not have returned his cart to the proper place.   

So anyway, today’s vehicle is one I feature out of spite.  I’m not a big fan of Smart cars to begin with, and this little interaction with one of their drivers is probably not going to improve my outlook on these vehicles.  Still, it’s our real topic for the day, so let’s see what we can learn about the Smart Fortwo. 

 

The Smart car is made by Daimler, known best perhaps, for Mercedes Benz.  So, the Smart Fortwo is a German car, though it is assembled in France.  One kind of neat thing about the Fortwo is that the plastic body panels are designed to be easy to swap out.  Unfortunately, the only things you can interchange them with are other Fortwo panels, so the car is going to look like it does no matter what you do, it seems. 

 

According to the Smart website, a base level “pure coupe” Fortwo has a starting price of $13,270.  This price gets you a lot of stuff that’s so very basic, it seems like it ought to go without saying that a car should come with these features…. Like a dome light, air conditioning, floor mats, and a cup holder.  You also get 15” steel wheels and a 50,000 mile 48 month warranty.   For some extra money, you can get some nice stuff, too.  Heated seats will cost another $240, which isn’t bad, actually, but I don’t know if that’s just butt heat, or if it has a heated lumbar area, too.  You can get an anti-theft system installed for $200, but I think the looks of the Fortwo are enough of a theft deterrent that you can just save that $200 for something else, like an arm rest…. That’s right, you have to pay an extra $80 to get an armrest, but just one, mind you, for the driver.  The passenger gets nothing.  Want power steering?  That’ll be an extra $550, please.  If you figure you might get tired of hearing all the snickers and disparaging remarks made by people you drive by, you might want to dish out another $350 for a radio –it comes with an auxiliary and USB port.  Cruise control will cost you another $280.  Center console storage?  Tack on another $30 –though I’m not sure what exactly that gets you, I’m picturing a shoe box with a Smart logo sticker pasted on it jammed between the seats on the transmission hump. 

Oh, that guy in the Target lot has really turned me bitter about these little cars.  I feel like I’m being rather hard on these little things.  Perhaps the power specs will brighten things up a bit.  What’s under the hood?  Nothing, actually…. These are rear engine cars.  Well then, what’s in the space where one might expect to find a hamster running on a wheel to make the car go?  A 1.0 liter (actually, it’s only 61 cubic inches, so it’s just shy of a full liter) inline 3 cylinder engine that creates 70 HP and 68 lb-ft of torque, paired with a five speed transmission.  The curb weight on a Smart Fortwo is right around 1,800 lbs, and it has a fuel tank capacity of just under 9 gallons.  Well, not terribly impressive, but more than enough power to propel a car this size.   

 

Aside from having at least one driver who engages in an activity that is one of my biggest pet peeves, the Smart Fortwo has a lot working against it.  This notion of having to tack on optional things just to get to the basic level of what a car buyer expects to find in a new car is silly.  I like to keep things simple, but there are some things that people just ought not to have to ask for, they ought to just be there.  The Fortwo is like a golf cart that has been only mildly upfitted to work as a car.  By the time you get one optioned with things that make it kind of bearable to own, you might as well buy something else and get the same or better performance, more room, and better standard features.   Not to mention that driving one of these things puts you among the ranks of that douche bag from the Target parking lot who just ditched his cart and drove away.  Not smart.

Focus on Thanksgiving

We all have plenty to be thankful for.  On the automotive front, I'm thankful for Mustangs, particularly mine.  I"m thankful for Ellingson Classic Cars and their close proximity that allows me to visit their gorgeous inventory on a regular basis.  I'm thankful for all the amazing technological advances that are incorporated into cars, even if I prefer to keep things a bit more simple.

Mostly, I'm thankful that this is not my car.

....Because I'd cry like a baby if it was.  I've professed my love for the Focus ST on at least 2 other posts... actually 3 now that I think about it.  Anyway, I would LOVE to have one of these cars... just not this one.

This one appears to have been T-boned by some other vehicle.  It probably happened on that night last week when it was sleeting and the roads turned into an ice rink as soon as the sun went down.  The starting price on this Focus ST would have been $24,495, but note that the owner sprung for the Rado gray wheels, so add another $375 at least.  Now that I think about it, there's a chance that this little Focus didn't even get sold before it got smashed up.  Note the lack of a front plate on the car.  Minnesota requires them, and unless the owner had just recently bought the car and was yellow tagging it (the paper temporary tag that goes in the back window while you wait to get your plates), I'm thinking this car was brand new and probably out for a test drive when it got hit.  I don't see a Monroney sticker on the car, but of course, that might have something to do with the fact that the passenger side window is smashed out, and that's probably where the sticker was.  That sticker placement could also have contributed to the accident if this Focus happened to pull out in front of a car that was obscured by the Monroney sticker.

Well, anyway, that's roughly $25,000 worth of smashed up Focus we're looking at here.  I doubt it's totaled, but that's some pretty nasty damage.  We've got deployed side airbags, a damaged passenger door, smooshed passenger side fender, torn up fascia, broken grille, offset hood, demolished headlight enclosure, and who knows what else.  They may have to straighten out the frame, and will probably have to replace that front wheel, because I bet the impact bent that rim.

Such a shame.  That's a little race car sitting there, made lame by an unfortunate collision.  Its 252 horses can't run anywhere in this condition.  The good news is that I spotted this car parked outside the service and collision repair center at the local Ford dealership last week, so it should be back to its normal, peppy little self in short order.

I hope nobody was hurt in the accident that damaged this Focus, and I'd bet if there were any injuries, they were mild, at least for the people in the Focus.  So, while the Focus owner is probably not too happy to have been involved in an accident in the first place, they can at least be thankful that it wasn't worse, and that their car appears to have done its job when it comes to protecting its passengers. They're probably also thankful for insurance, assuming they had full coverage.  So, as you go about your holiday travels, be careful and be safe, and remember to appreciate all the safety features that your vehicle has to offer.

The Lincoln Continental: From pre-JFK to the disco era.

Because I ranted on and on about Lincoln in the last post, and because today marks the 50th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, it seems only appropriate that the Lincoln Continental should be the featured vehicle today.

I had some pictures of the JFK’s 1961 Continental stretch that I took while visiting the Ford Museum in Dearborn Michigan earlier this year.  Somehow, I managed to lose them.  Well, it’s not like there’s any shortage of images of JFK’s Lincoln on the internet, so if you really want to see it, just google it.

It’s not entirely accurate to call the stretched 1961 Lincoln Continental JFK’s car, because the vehicle always belonged to Ford Motor company, but was leased to the White House.  An interesting article popped up in the New York Daily News today that talked about how the car had actually been returned to service for another 13 years following the assassination and investigation -and a complete rebuild that incorporated a fixed bullet proof roof, titanium lined rear passenger compartment, grenade-proof floor, and thick, bullet proof glass.  LBJ had the vehicle repainted from its original dark blue to black when it came back to the fleet.  That’s how it sits today in the Ford Museum, where it has been on display since the year of my birth, 1978.

The Lincoln Continental is an interesting car, and has always been a good looking, elegantly stylish, yet dynamic automobile.  Best of all, it’s a Lincoln that isn't abashed to go by its full name instead of just its initials -it has a real name on which to hang titles and designations like Mk. Whatever.  I may have lost my JFK Continental pictures, but I just happen to have some shots of other Continentals, including a 1961.  We’ll start with the oldest Continental I have in my collection and work our way up to the most recent image I have.  Which brings us to….

The 1956 Lincoln Continental Mk II.  Notice how it’s not called an MK something or other -that’s nice, isn't it?  This is what I think is the coolest Continental made.  It featured dignified styling with an air of potency and vigor. It wasn't adorned with all kinds of flashy chrome like car fashion at the time in the US demanded.  The 1956 Continental Mark II was elegant and finespun without needing to flaunt elaborate embellishment and ornamentation.  It was a distinguished automobile that could look stately even as it rolled up its sleeves to duke it out on the motorway.

 This Lincoln was crazy expensive for its time, costing a staggering $10,000 in 1956, which was huge money for this type of car.  In spite of the hefty price tag, Lincoln still took a $1,000 loss on each one they sold, and the price didn't help with finding buyers for the cars, either.

All kinds of neat stuff was worked into these cars, including what was at the time, the most powerful engine Lincoln had ever made; a 368 cubic inch V8 that readily provided its driver with 285 HP, and later 300 in 1957.  The frame of the ‘56 was designed to keep the roof height low to impart a sporty profile and feel to the car, and reduce unsightly bulk.  It was made in a way that provided 30% more strength than the previous design featured.  This was accomplished by creating what is called a “cow belly” frame that plunges a bit in between the axles to create a recess upon which to foot the passenger compartment.  This kept driver and passengers upright in the car but still low to the ground.  And if that doesn't sound impressive enough, consider that this is the same chassis that was used to create what would later become the first Batmobile: the Lincoln Futura Concept car.

In spite of all the things the ‘56-57 Continental Mark II had going for it, the price and the loss that Lincoln took on it proved to be too much. The goal when making these Lincs was to create the American equivalent of a Rolls Royce.  To establish that foothold, Lincoln was initially prepared to take a few lumps, but as losses mounted, cost saving measures had to be introduced.  

This thing is gorgeous.  It’s my favorite Lincoln ever made, but I’ll admit that it wasn't a money maker for the brand.  The price point broke it, and nearly broke Lincoln.  Finding the right balance was what needed to be done.  That balance can be very skewed toward losing money when dealing with a brand like Lincoln, which was at the time, trying to claw its way back into the forefront of the luxury automobile market and reestablish itself among luxury buyers… Kind of the same position Lincoln is in now.

What I think was done right on the Continental was the uncomplicated nature of its style.  It wasn’t dripping with chrome or fancy appliqués, but it still looked like a million bucks.  It used its body lines to create a straightforward sense of strength and prominence, and backed up that look with a nice bit of horsepower, too.  The car didn't aim to overwhelm with gadgetry and shiny, pretty things all over the place.  Its trim wasn't overdone, but what it had was placed and worn with a cultivated sense of class and distinction.  The hand built nature of this car is what helped to drive up the price, and while it meant quality, the lack of return on and appreciation of that quality was part of what hurt this vehicle’s sales.  To try to be all things in its attempt to be the best was too costly.

A narrower focus would have helped this car along, I think.  Sleek and clean styling coupled with the OPTION for huge power would have made some more affordable Continental Mark II’s available to buyers who were more in love with the looks, but cared not so much for driving so fast that those elegant design lines would only be seen as a streak while the car sped by.  Those who wanted the big, bad powerhouse hot rod Lincoln could opt for the big engine then, and have something that much more rare and valuable.  It wouldn't be a bad idea now, even.  Offer the public suitable power and options but also offer upfitted versions of Lincolns that can unquestionably lay waste to its competition and still look good doing it.  Perhaps Lincoln ought to send some of their vehicles over to Ford’s SVT for some tuning.

Moving on from the ’56, we have two examples of 4 door convertible Lincoln Continentals to behold.  First is a white 1961, the same year as Kennedy’s convertible, though about 3 feet shorter than the stretched presidential ride.

These are unique cars in that they are 4 door convertibles.  There’s no B pillar, so the rear doors hinge at the back of the car, opening then, in a “suicide door” style.  From the factory, the 1961 featured a 430 cubic inch V8 that was good for 300 HP and 465 lb-ft of torque.  Brand new in 1961, this car would set you back anywhere between $6,000-$7,000, which is certainly a better price point for its day than the 1956 model we just discussed.

The white Continental was one I found at a car show this past summer.  The red 1963 model pictured below is one that is for sale at a classic car dealership in Mankato MN, where the 1956 example is also sitting.

The red one can be purchased for $23,900, and the black ’56 for $23,500.  I’m partial to the ’56, because I prefer coupes over convertibles, but I can definitely see the appeal of the ’63.  What a car for cruising with friends in the summer time!

Here are some more pictures for you.  As you can see, the ’63 isn't in perfect shape, but it’s not too bad, either.

Which brings us to the most recent Continental that I have in my photo library.

This is a 1977-1979 (I’m not totally sure of the year) Continental Mark V two door coupe.  These cars represented that kind of sleazy notion of class and opulence that seems to go hand in hand with the disco era.  Those of you who watched Dallas back in the day may recall that Jock Ewing had one of these beasts.

The ’77-79 Continental was a money maker for Lincoln, and its emphasis on interior bling is something that Lincoln is kind of trying to integrate these days, though I’m not sure that’s the direction to go at this time.  Power wise, the cars were victims of the EPA with its emission standards -which is why in spite of the fact that the car would be had with either a 400 cubic inch V8 or a 460 cubic inch V8, the horsepower ratings only reached 179 and 208, respectively.

What it lacked in power, the 77-79 Continental made up with ostentation and flash.  All Continentals featured a Cartier clock, but if the standard version wasn't enough of a spectacle of swank and tinsel, one could chose from a variety of special designer edition configurations.  These included the Bill Blass edition, the Cartier edition, the Givenchy edition, the Pucci edition, and Lincoln’s own “Diamond Jubilee” edition to celebrate its 75th year.

These cars succeeded on the grounds that pretty baubles and shiny stuff could grab buyers long enough to get them behind the wheel and out the door.  It worked in the late 70’s but I’m not so sure that it’s going to work now.

Earlier this year at the Detroit Auto Show, I got a tour of Lincoln’s upcoming MKC (blinged out Ford Escape).  The woman who designed and selected the materials for the interior, Soo Kang, was on hand to personally show us her beautiful work… and it was beautiful.  There wasn't a nook or cranny inside that concept car that didn't have something gorgeous and artistically exquisite to see, touch, or interact with.  It was so impeccably wrought, so striking and polished that it was just too precious for me to ever imagine using.  You know how some people have very fine china that they almost never use for fear that it will break or get ruined?  That’s what the interior glamour of the MKC concept brought to mind.  It was overwhelmingly beautiful, but I felt like some grubby little scumbag about to besmirch a museum display with my dirty little mitts at the thought of actually driving it.  And granted, it was a concept, so all the stops were pulled out… but the balance of beauty -functional though it may have been, was so far beyond the point of being precious that I couldn't imagine actually using the thing, so I couldn't imagine actually buying the thing, either.  I've got stuff to do, and I don’t have time to stress over whether or not actually using and enjoying my vehicle might tarnish its grand presentation.  My God, though, Soo Kang is capable of creating such a lovely setting of visual and tactile bliss with the interiors she designs!  I think with the MKC concept, it was the contrast of such affluence when hung on and installed in what was still so glaringly a Ford Escape (well-rounded, capable, and already well-appointed as the Escape is) that made the vehicle seem like an idea that, while not entirely bad, wasn't going to do any huge favors for the Lincoln brand, either.    

The trouble with Lincoln and why the LS could have changed things.

Today’s featured vehicle is a bit of a rehash.  Readers who have followed this blog for a while may recall a post back in May entitled “A tale from the fresh trade row: the Lincoln LS”.   That post was about a silver LS that I sold to a young man who had been in the armed forces and who had the task of chauffeuring Generals from place to place in a Mercury Grand Marquis.  My customer came in to the dealership I worked at looking to trade off his F-150 pickup for a rear wheel drive sedan that he could kick up some dust with like he had been trained to do the Mercury Grand Marquis he used to drive.  He could execute all kinds of driving techniques and figured those skills would go to waste in a pickup truck, so he wanted to get himself back behind the wheel of a rear wheel drive sedan that had some power to back it up.  I had been bemoaning the fact that he just barely missed the window of opportunity for me to set him up with a Mercury Marauder, which is a muscled-up version of the Grand Marquis, but ultimately aligned him with a loaded up Silver Lincoln LS, which he happily traded for.  Today we have another Lincoln LS to look at.

The previous post lacked any photo of the Marauder, so I thought I’d throw some in today for you to see.

This is a 2003 Mercury Marauder -the Marauder name plate was revived for the 2003-2004 model years.  What you’re seeing is the Grand Marquis’ evil twin.  The Marauder featured grille work that was color keyed to match the body rather than bright work.

The exterior wears the Mercury waterfall badge, but inside, it features the Mercury God head badges and satin aluminum surface finishes.  Under its hood is a 4.6L DOHC V8 that’s tuned for an output of 302 HP and 318 lb ft of torque.

The rear bumper is embossed with the Marauder name, and it has shiny chrome dual exhaust tips jutting out from under its skirt to let anybody coming up to overtake the Marauder know that they’re not dealing with some ordinary Grand Marquis.  During this car’s production run, and the years following it, this vehicle was considered a real bruiser.  It was a sleeper to those trying to take it on who lacked an eye for the tell tale minutiae that distinguished the Marauder from its more common Marquis and Crown Victoria siblings -once the light turned green, they had a nasty surprise coming.

I’ve driven a Marauder before, and compared to power ratings for vehicles now, with “performance” oriented cars these days easily rising over the 400 HP range, it doesn’t seem like it’s such a big deal on paper.  When you’re behind the wheel of a Marauder though, you know you’re in control of a commanding machine.  Trust me when I say that 302 HP is still plenty of power, and when it’s packed into a staunch and hulking mass of metal like a Grand Marquis, you’ve got plenty to work with.  The Marauder is a tenacious machine, based on the same rugged vehicles that law enforcement has used for years, that the military has used as well to transport its important people around safely -it’s going to take a lot to take down a Marauder.  When you sit in the driver’s seat of a car like this, you feel its mass in terms of brawn instead of just weight.  It’s like wearing a suit of armor -it’s heavy, but it makes you feel indestructible.   A car like this envelopes its driver and instills a sense of might.  It’s a brute, and when you’re in control of it, so are you.

….But that’s not what we’re really here to talk about today, is it?  The Marauder is a wicked car, but we’re here to look at the car that my customer ended up taking home, and the one that I found just a couple weeks ago: the Lincoln LS.

This little beauty caught my eye when I was having my snow tires fitted back onto my Mustang for the season.  While that was going down, I decided to hoof it a mile or two down the road to take care of some shopping and to pick up some Starbucks.  While walking along, I passed this LS sitting in a used car lot.  I knew exactly what I was looking at, because this is the same LS Sport trim as the one I sold to my customer back when I was in the car biz.  More than that, what caught my eye about this LS is the paint color: Dark Cherry Metallic, which is the same Ford color I selected for my father to paint his 1937 pickup truck.  It’s not that the color was available in ‘37, but my dad’s truck is a resto-mod anyway, so I chose a color that was used by the same manufacturer, and more importantly, that I thought would look good on the truck.

Lincoln LS’s were offered for sale from 2000-2006.  They shared a platform with the Ford Thunderbird and the Jaguar S-type, which is not bad company to keep.  The LS hit the ground running when it premiered.  It was made to compete with midsized European sport sedans even as it undercut them price wise.  Critics praised it initially, though noted that it was better suited for touring than sport.

Here, Lincoln had a RWD midsized sedan (whereas the Marauder mentioned earlier in this post is considered a full sized sedan).  They could be had with a 3.0L V6 that made 210 HP or a 3.9L V8 with an output of 252 HP that was bumped up to 280 HP and 286 lb-ft of torque later in the production run.  Because the one we’re looking at today is a 2006, it has the higher performance specs.  The cars handled well thanks to a nearly perfect 50/50 distribution of weight front to back.  The Lincoln LS Sport is a good looking sedan with its color keyed trim, toned, crisp body lines, and crouched, predatory road stance.  At a glance from behind, it registers as a refined, if not almost frumpy sedan, but close in on it a bit, and things sharpen; the wolf begins to shed its sheep disguise to give a glimpse of the LS’s potential.  This design has aged quite well, I’d say.  Especially considering it managed draw me in with its looks from a block away which is no small feat when it’s sitting in a used car lot with a whole bunch of other neat toys, like a Trans Am WS6, some late model Mustangs, and an Audi or two.

Today’s car in particular, with the somewhat hard to find Dark Cherry paint is one that I find quite stunning.  Loaded up with leather, heated front and rear seats, just over 60,000 miles on its odometer, this one was priced at just a hair under $11,000, which I thought was a very good price for it, perhaps even too low.  Somebody else thought so, too, because two days later when I happened by the lot and decided I was going to talk to the guys there to see if they’d let me take it out to play; it was gone.  Somebody else swooped in and snatched it up -and good for them, that’s a hell of a car for that price.

The LS could have lead the way for Lincoln, but there were problems.  In 2000, a V6 could be had new for just over $30,000, and a V8 for right around $45,000.  By 2006, those prices jumped to between $40,000 and $50,000, so some of that price incentive the LS held over its rivals was lost.  In addition to that, somebody at Lincoln decided that the only way buyers could get a manual transmission would be if they chose it as an option on a V6 -it wasn’t even offered on the V8,  If you ask me, that idea is precisely backwards from how it should have been.  The V8 should have had the manual standard instead of the “Select Shift Auto/Manual” transmission they saddled it with.  If you go back to the interior shot, you can see this thing -how you can bump the auto stick over to the right and click it up and down to move through the gears.  What the hell kind of way is that to compete with other sport sedans!

The interior isn't horrible, but materials and arrangement aren’t quite there to match the refined but wolfish exterior of the car.  Still, Lincoln had a good thing here.  The LS Sport trim should have been refined to the 2006 standard and offered much sooner in the production run -this would have required some more investment in the LS.  The LS should have been face lifted and improved at least every two years during its production instead of only once to help it dominate its segment of the market.  Performance and handling should have been enhanced and refined, and the damn stick shift ought to have been the primary offering for the Sport trim with that silly Auto Select Shift crap saved as an option.

Lincoln should have let the  LS lead their way through the early and mid 2000’s.  God knows they weren't investing in updating their Towncar too much, their Mark series bit the dust (though the MK in cars like MKZ lets us know Lincoln isn‘t totally done using it), and they let the Continental go the way of the dinosaurs.  Fine, but replace them with things that are interesting, Lincoln -and while you’re at it, do away with this silly alphabetical naming crap.  LS?  Why not use an actual word or name instead?  MKZ, MKX, MKT?  Really?  Just because the competition is by and large branded with alphabetical designations or alpha-numeric ones doesn‘t mean Lincoln has to follow suit to compete with the likes of the Cadillac CTS, BMW 545i, Mercedes-Benz C320 or C230 or C55.  It just seems like wannabe-ism when Lincoln drops an actual and cool sounding name for a car like “Zephyr” which they owned the rights to, in favor of “MKZ”.
Aside from the name thing, which is irksome to me, but not the biggest deal, the other thing Lincoln did that sabotaged the brand was to marry it too closely to Ford offerings, more or less turning their product lineup into dressed up Fords -that’s was Mercury’s job -and now Mercury is gone after being made redundant by this same practice -lost in the toll of restructuring.  So, why follow this model?

These days, there isn't a Lincoln you can buy that doesn't beat you over the head with the glaring fact that it’s a dressed up Ford product with a little bit of retooling and embellishment done to make it seem like it’s not.  The new MKZ is perhaps the best distanced from this, but you could still pull up at a stop light next to a Ford Fusion and find yourself feeling like an idiot for shelling out so much more money for a car that looks like a blinged out Fusion.  Not that the Fusion is a bad car -it’s not -in fact, it’s a pretty good car.  But a Lincoln shouldn't be a Fusion.

Remember earlier when I was discussing the LS’s wolf-in-sheep’s clothing appeal?  Well, Lincoln has gone and gotten it all backwards, because they went from making a car that was a wolf in thinly veiled sheep skin to making cars that are sheep trying to pull off a wolf costume. Sure, the LS did share a platform with a Ford -the Thunderbird, and a Jaguar, too, but nobody ever would have mistaken any of those cars for each other at a distance, and certainly not up close.  The LS embodied a fork in the road for Lincoln.  They could have turned in its direction and thundered down the intense and winding road of refined performance and styling, but instead they decided not to provoke anybody and settled for a vague sense of luxury and performance; hoping that the safe and dispirited approach would still somehow manage to stir an enthusiasm for the brand.  It was the wrong choice.  This is killing Lincoln as a brand right now.

My parents have an MKZ equipped with all wheel drive, and they absolutely adore that car.  It’s not a bad car, but it’s not setting itself apart in a big enough way to not only save, but to elevate the Lincoln brand name.  God love my parents, but Lincoln needs to find a way to seize younger buyers.  For that matter, who says older buyers wouldn't like to have something more radical?  For Lincoln, it’s time to ditch the idea that they can merely adorn a Ford with a slightly refined skin, a spray of accouterments, and an inflated sticker price.  The luxury of these vehicles can’t just be tacked on -it has to be rooted so deep in their machines that it becomes ingrained in the very ores and fibers that compose the machine.  That luxury can’t just be a lot of blingy baubles and pretty gauges and displays, it has to be present in sensations (visual, tactile, the feel of being thrust through space) that the Lincoln serves up to its drivers.  It needs to saturate the person behind the wheel with force and vigor, and that’s not going to come from throwing a few bucks around to pretty up a Ford.  Lincoln needs to separate itself by a few more steps and come into its own.  I hope that Lincoln pursues this, and that its version of coming into its own involves some wickedly potent hot-rod Lincolns.  I don’t even care if they look completely outlandish (though try to avoid the whale-like appearance of the MKT, or even a bit dowdy -though the designer who handled the new MKZ (Max Wolff) could probably work some magic to make a car that’s refined but ferociously distinct if given the leeway -the back end of the latest MKZ was handled brilliantly -the front end, not so much.

My view on the brand is that Lincoln needs to reshape itself in every way.  Their latest idea is to pretty up their showrooms to draw in buyers.  I think that’s money better spent on redefining their lineup.  Lincoln wants to compete with other luxury car manufacturers, but it is getting left in the dust.  Why on earth would Lincoln bother to design concept cars like the MK9 (it’s worth a google), the Mark X concept, the L2K concept (from the 1990’s),  or the MKR concept, or even the cute-in-a-stodgy-sense-of-the-word C concept hatch (Focus based, but distinct enough for it not to matter) only to set them aside in favor of playing dress up on the cheap with Fords?  I mean, for heaven’s sake, the original Batmobile was based on a Lincoln concept car -clearly it’s in this brand’s blood to make extraordinary things, so why won’t Lincoln just let loose and do it?

The time for half-measures is over, and Lincoln as a brand needs to catch up to its rivals double time before the window on the luxury market closes on them.  To survive, this brand needs to hunt.  Lincoln needs to aggressively pursue, overtake, and devour its competition, and if that means using every dirty little trick in the book to enhance power, appearance, handling, and luxury, then do it already before Lincoln starves.  It’s time to stop trying so hard to be one of the sheep and start taking on the role of the wolf who preys on them instead.  

Suzuki X-90 and Mini amped up on Red Bull

I have been away from my blog for several days now.  Sure, I've been working, but I always am anyway, so it’s not a good excuse.  There’s just something in the air that’s making me tired and sleepy.  Maybe it is the shift in weather to cold, wintery stuff that makes me feel as though I need to hibernate -I don’t know.  I did accomplish lots of stuff this past week, just not anything that was actually near the top of my to do list.  The leaves haven’t been raked yet -I’m still debating whether to just mulch them and spread them in my joke of a garden that will never grow because my herd of Great Danes trample any and all vegetation in the yard, or to bag them up and put them out for pick up.   The second option has a window of opportunity that closes next week, so I need to make up my mind already.

Mostly, I've just felt sleepy.  No amount of coffee has been able to help me shake this, in spite of the fact that I do drink a lot of it -usually while I write this blog, in fact.  I've very seldom used energy drinks -usually when they are given to me for free at car shows, or promotional events, but maybe that would help undermine the doldrums of fall.

It is somewhat appropriate then, that I should have come across today’s vehicles while out running errands (another thing I managed to accomplish in spite of myself) this past week.  Both of today’s vehicle models have been used to promote a certain energy drink known as Red Bull.

First up, we have a truly odd little rig called the Suzuki X-90.  These are silly little vehicles that aren't quite SUVs, but not quite sport coupes, either.  They’re in a strange kind of limbo all their own, which is probably why they were only offered for sale in the US as 1996-1998 models.

Just what are we looking at here?  Mechanically, it is a twin and replacement, actually, of the Suzuki Samurai -though the slightly larger Sidekick -also sold as the Geo Tracker is what really caught on with people who would have purchased the Samurai.  I had a friend in high school named Chris who moved away, then moved back senior year who drove a teal colored Samurai -can’t say I was particularly impressed with it, but the idea of taking the cloth top off the back seemed like it might be fun if not for the fact that it was winter time when we took it out.  For some reason, I‘m remembering only one instance of riding in the Samurai -when we took it to a coffee house that was operated out of the main floor of an old Victorian home in Des Moines called Chat Noir -that place is gone now, but they had fantastic crepes and coffee, and I used to love going there.  I don’t know what ever happened to that guy….  Sorry about the tangent, but if you've read any of my other posts, you’ll know that I tend to side track myself quite often -maybe it‘s just too much coffee, or perhaps not enough -I don‘t know.

Anyway, the X-90 is basically a sleeker styled Suzuki Samurai without the cloth top on the rear and without a back seat-it’s been transformed into a notchback coupe.  All X-90’s were two-seaters and had T-top roofs that could stow away in the trunk with relative ease.  I remember seeing these things on dealer lots when they first hit the market and thinking how strange but oddly appealing they seemed.  They were little 4x4 creatures that never quite settled on what they wanted to be when they grew up: an SUV or a coupe.  Under the hood, they harbor a 1.6L I4 engine capable of 95 HP and 98 lb-ft of torque that came standard with a 5 speed manual transmission -nothing to brag about, but really, the car only weighs around 2,300 lbs, so it’s not like it really needs much more to transport its occupants from place to place.

These are not considered valuable, nor are they particularly treasured -but they do have some rarity backing the notion that someday, they could be.  Given the short span of time they were on the market, it isn’t too surprising to know that there were only just over 7,000 sold in the US.  Of course, there’s a reason for that short market presence, too.  X-90’s are too impractical to do much aside from leisurely driving, they sit too high, and have too short a wheel base to maneuver like a sport coupe, but too low to do any real off-roading.  For the $15,000 or so that they cost back when they were new in the mid to late 1990’s, buyers looking for a sporty ride would have been better suited buying a Mazda Miata, and those looking for a compact SUV could dedicate another couple thousand and have something like a Toyota RAV4 or a Suzuki Sidekick.  So, you can see where would-be X-90 buyers may have been lost along the way to purchasing a new car. It’s not that people didn't like the X-90 -despite the fact that X-90s are not particularly powerful, though have enough go to propel the tiny little rig when it needs to move, these are charming little vehicles -they look ridiculous in an endearing way that makes you want to like them, just not well enough to own one..

That’s not to say that fun stuff can’t be done with an X-90.  With a stock X-90, you can take the T-tops off and have a good time just cruising in the summer.  For just about anything else, you’re going to have to do some modifications.  Lift the suspension, upgrade the shocks, and fit the vehicle with some off road rubber, and you could have a neat little off-roader.  Lower the suspension and find some ways to soup up the engine, add some performance tires, and you could have a street sleeper masquerading as a tiny little clown car in training.  Those are viable options, I’d say.  Considering you can buy an X-90 for around $1,500-$3,000 nowadays, that should leave some wiggle room in the wallet for upgrades.

Such a tragic little figure, the X-90 -admired but ultimately unloved, perpetually straddling automotive market lines though never quite finding its niche…. Except that it kind of did.  The compact size, fuel-efficient engine, head-turning oddball looks, and notchback design of the X-90 translated perfectly into a promotional vehicle for Red Bull.   Once the vehicle received a repaint or a wrap, some decals, a set of brackets mounted on the vehicle’s roof and trunk lid, then fitted with a giant fake can of Red Bull, the X-90 became a zoomy little mobile advertisement for the brand.

Speaking of which, here’s what replaced the X-90s that Red Bull was using for advertising once their fleet aged a bit too much.  This is an actual Red Bull modified Mini that is now stripped of its wrap, but still bears the modded notchback rear end and giant Red Bull can brackets.  I found it sitting in a used car lot a few months ago -and it’s still there now -apparently there aren't too many Mini shoppers wanting to be seen in a former Red Bull car.

How does it stack up against the X-90?  Well, this one is a 2009 Mini Cooper, so we know it’s at least 11 years newer than the latest model year X-90 that’s out there in the world.  Like the X-90, the little Mini features a 1.6L I4 engine, though it comes with a 6 speed manual rather than a 5 speed.  The Mini produces 118 HP and 114 lb-ft of torque, though -which is certainly more than the X-90‘s 95 HP and 98 lb-ft of torque rating, but not a huge gain considering the Mini had 11 years to advance that the X-90 did not have.  Curb weight on a 2009 2 door hatchback Mini is just under 2,600 lbs, so it’s a bit heavier than the X-90.  I don’t know the curb weight of a mini that’s had its hatchback chopped in favor of a notchback design, though I’d imagine that it managed to lose at least a hundred pounds or so in the process -even when it was outfitted with the giant fake Red Bull can.  Of course, there’s no 4x4 for the Mini unless you move to a different model, so the X-90 has that one in the bag.

This particular Mini carries an asking price of just under $9,000 and has 131,000 miles on its odometer.  I think they’re asking too much.  If, however, this Mini was the “S” spec, which comes with a turbo, weighs in at roughly 100 lbs more than the base Mini, and blasts out 172 HP and 177 lb ft of torque, then I bet this Mini would have no problem finding a buyer who would gut it out further to drop weight and turn it into a little track rocket. A leap up from that to the John Cooper Works variant bumps those specs up to 208 HP and 192 lb-ft of torque for the 2009 model year -though, as unlikely as Red Bull was to spend the extra money on an S model, it’s even less likely they would spring for the JCW variant just to mount a can of Red Bull on the back and drive around town - even if the sprightly dash of added power would have been entirely appropriate in the context of the product that the vehicle is advertising.

As is sometimes the case with my blog, our featured vehicles are going to take a turn down the lane of crime and justice.  In this case, the tie in comes courtesy of the Red Bull association both these cars share.  Sadly, the heir to the Red Bull fortune managed to hit and kill a motorcycle cop in Bangkok in 2012 -an accident from which he fled, actually dragging the victim along with for some time, then later neglected to show up in court to face charges for.  The Red Bull heir was driving a gray Ferrari FF at the time of the accident, but when I first read the story some time ago, my mind pictured him fleeing the scene in a Red Bull X-90 fitted with a giant silver and blue Red Bull energy drink can on its back end.  I suppose either car is going to stand out like a sore thumb no matter where it goes, so I’m not sure why the guy thought he could get away with the hit and run in any event…. Well, actually, I do, he IS heir to a multi-billion dollar fortune, and money does tend to function as immunity from responsibility for one’s own actions to a certain extent.  Indeed, just this past September, the heir skipped his 6th court date pertaining to the hit and run, which meant that the statute of limitations for the speeding charge of the indictment expired (doesn’t seem quite fair, does it?).  He could face 10 years in prison (which also seems inadequate in view of his actions), though if he keeps managing not to show up to take his lumps, it seems unlikely he’ll ever have to take responsibility.  

Well, today’s cars both took their lumps; one as the little misfit of the automotive world of the late 1990’s (if there was an island of misfit cars, it would be populated with X-90’s for sure), and the other as a rolling advertisement, now stripped of its vestments and left to await its fate in a used car lot.  That billionaire in his now mangled Ferrari has nothing on the X-90 and this Mini.

A tale of power and perception: The Topaz, Torino, Knight Rider, and Wonder Woman.

Yesterday’s post took us back to the 1980’s -the years of my elementary school youth, for a look at the Chrysler Conquest.  Today, we’re going to look at another relic from that era that’s appropriate not only due to its vintage, but also to the fact that it sort of links to another thing that’s going on right now -and the car happens to be named after the birthstone gem for those born in the month of November.  We’ll get to that in a moment, but for now I suppose you’d like to see today’s vehicle.  Brace yourselves….

Tah-Dah!!!!  

What?  You’re under whelmed by the glory of the mid 1980’s Mercury Topaz?  Okay, okay, I’ll admit, these cars weren’t anything spectacular, but I spotted this in a parking lot last week and realized that I hadn’t seen one in an even longer time than it had been since I had seen a Mitsubishi Starion or a Chrysler Conquest prior to that week.  Though, who knows, perhaps there have been a whole bunch of Topaz’s around that I just didn’t see -after all, the ancient Greeks thought the topaz (the stone, not the car, of course) had supernatural powers that could render its wearer invisible if need be.  They also thought it possessed medicinal properties that changed depending on the phase of the moon, treating ailments ranging from insomnia to severe bleeding.  It was also thought that a topaz could aid in the detection of poison by changing color in its presence.  The Topaz stone may be mythically powerful, but rest assured, a Mercury Topaz compact sedan is most likely capable of none of these things…. Well, maybe it can aid with treating insomnia -many a time I fell asleep while riding in the back seat of the Topaz my mother had when I was a kid.  

The Mercury Topaz is the mechanical twin to the Ford Tempo, but had some better options.  As my father used to say when there was still a Mercury brand in existence: “A Mercury is a Ford with the bolts tightened”.  The Topaz debuted in 1983 as a 1984 model and was produced up through 1994, at which time it, and the Tempo were replaced by the Mercury Mystique and the Ford Contour (I have profiled a Contour in an older post if you care to dig that up).  They are front wheel drive -though starting in 1987, could be had with AWD -compact cars, and were kind of like mini precursors to a vehicle that made a huge splash for Ford just a couple years later: the Ford Taurus and its twin with the bolts tightened, the Mercury Sable.

The Topaz had a couple of engine options.  Usually, you’ll see the 2.3L I4 under the hood.  In 1984, that 2.3L was tuned for 84 HP and 118 lb-ft of torque, which wasn’t anything to brag about, but pulled down decent mileage 27/41 city/hwy, and could scoot around the roughly 2,600 lb car with relative ease.  For today we’ll concentrate on that 2.3L gasoline engine.  Aside from what was under the hood, the Topaz featured 4 wheel independent suspension.  In 1984, you could buy one for under $8,000. Check out the ad I found in that same Motor Trend magazine from yesterday’s post that had the Starion on its cover.

Here’s another ad from an old Car and Driver magazine I pulled from my library.

It was in 1985 that I first made the acquaintance of the Mercury Topaz.  My father had been away on business in Granite Falls, MN with my mother’s 1971 Ford Torino coupe in green with black vinyl top, and came scooting home with a little red Topaz sedan.  My dad had been out and about when he saw the brand new red Topaz with dealer plates on it zip past him and pull into the Ford lot.  He thought the Topaz was a neat looking little rig and followed it into the Granite Falls Ford Mercury dealership.  He approached the sales guy who had been driving it back to the dealership and made a deal.  My dad got about $1,000 in trade in allowance for my mother’s ‘71 Torino with 171,000 miles on it -but a remarkably well maintained body -my mom and dad are at odds over how well the engine ran -my dad insists it had a consistent misfire, while my mom dismisses this claim and asserts that it ran like a top.  My father made a tentative deal for the car, pending my mother’s reaction to the trading off of her Torino, which she loved enough that she traded in the 1968 Ford Fairlane 500 2 door in green with black painted roof that she bought brand new when she was just out of her undergrad years of college to get it.

I asked my mom what she thought when presented with the Topaz in lieu of her Torino.  She said there were mixed emotions.  She liked the Topaz well enough, and it was a nice little car to get around in.  The fuel economy was certainly better than what her old Torino had been getting -as it should have been.  She went from having a 302 V8 with 210 HP and 300 lb ft of torque to having an engine less than half that size with less than half the horsepower and torque.  She did gain 2 more doors, and while my brother and sister and I were still little, we all fit pretty well into the back seat of the compact Topaz.  Apparently, she liked it well enough that she didn’t send it back, though she did figure out who bought her old Torino from the Ford dealership and for a few years knew where it was and how it was being maintained -my mother is like me, she bonds with her cars.

This may be part of the reason why the prospect of getting married has never appealed to me.  Aside from having to deal with inconveniences that go along with allowing a man to share the same abode, like toilet seats left up, I can say with certainty that I would have blown a gasket if a guy I was married to came home one day and announced that he traded off my car without consulting me.  My dad probably thought he was doing the right thing, getting a new, safer, more economical car for his family…. and after all, he didn’t finalize the deal until after my mother approved of it….  But still, the Torino was my mom’s car, and to my thinking, she should have been the one calling the shots about if and when to trade it off.  This trade did signify a nearly two decade long shift from Ford to Mercury products for my mother, though (not that there‘s much difference -aside from the whole bolt tightening thing my dad likes to joke about).  After my siblings and I grew a bit, and the Topaz had racked up around 130-150,000 miles, my mom traded her little Topaz off for a brand new jet black Mercury Sable, which she eventually traded off for a newer green Sable some years after that before making the shift to a Jeep product for her daily driver.  I’m glad to see that after the Topaz incident, my mom took more control in deciding what vehicles she drove.

For my part, I liked the Topaz when I was a child.  I thought its red paint job looked sportier than the green Torino’s paint -I hadn’t yet developed my affinity for green cars-yet another thing I seem to have inherited from my mother.  I remember the cloth upholstery had a red on red checkerboard pattern that gave me the impression that it was some type of race car.  The noises that would come from the engine compartment contributed to that line of thinking as well, because the little 2.3L 4 banger had a higher pitch when it revved up to gain speed than the Torino had exhibited with its low growl -and it seemed like the Topaz required more revving to match the speed and acceleration that my mom was accustomed to with her Torino.

My mother’s Topaz had the 3 speed automatic in lieu of the available 5 speed manual that one could get.  I’m at least partially to blame for the decision to get an auto instead of a manual thanks to an incident that occurred when I was 4 or 5 years old and spent an afternoon playing race car driver behind the wheel of a rusty little yellow Subaru coupe my dad had sitting in our driveway.  When I wasn’t busy smooshing wads of Play-Doh into the lion design that was embossed into the plastics on the steering wheel hub to create my “commendation medals” - prizes I was awarded along with accolades of praise and admiration by various heads of state and important officials after winning races, defeating bad guys, and whatever other feats I could dream up doing in a race car; I spent my time that afternoon monkeying around with the various controls inside the vehicle, pretending I was piloting the 1982 Trans Am known as K.I.T.T. (Knight Industries Two Thousand!) from Knight Rider.  At the age of four, I had enough imagination and ability to suspend my disbelief to get to the point where I could envision a rusted out yellow Subaru as a shiny, new black Trans Am with a red laser light bar on the front of it -those were good times -If only I still had the ability to transform junkers into hot rods for the benefit of my own perception.

During the course of what was no doubt an action packed imaginary car chase whilst behind the wheel of the Subaru/K.I.T.T., I managed to undo the emergency brake and slip the shifter into neutral, which caused the Subaru to roll back out of the driveway and across the street into the neighbor’s yard.  I was only 4 or 5 at the time, my head barely topped the belt line of the car from my place in the driver’s seat to see out the windows.  I can recall peering out the windshield through the negative space at the top of the steering wheel that crested up over the dashboard and seeing the scenery change as my car moved for real.  At least that was a better view than the look on my parent’s faces after they watched me roll down the drive and into the neighbor’s yard in my dad’s old Subaru -they were not pleased with me.    

I suppose the most remarkable thing about the Mercury Topaz for me is what it represented in terms of gender roles and the divide of decision making power within my own family structure.  When I was a kid, I was aware that my mother hadn’t been expecting the Topaz, but being so new and shiny, it seemed cool enough to be a nice kind of surprise.  The fact that it was a deep, glossy red made me shift from childish playtime fantasies of my parent’s cars transforming into K.I.T.T. to thinking that this one, this red Topaz, looked like the type of car Wonder Woman might get to go with her whole ensemble once she got sick of the whole invisible jet thing -and really, why the hell couldn’t Wonder Woman have a cool means of conveyance that could actually be seen?  I may have been watching reruns of the old Wonder Woman show by that time, but let me tell you this: nobody gets to marginalize Wonder Woman and get away with it, reruns or not!  That whole invisible plane business and what it might mean with regard to a woman’s significance; how it places its operator in a position on the periphery in terms of perception and regard, and what that might mean on a grander scale as it relates to the role of women in general is something for another post, perhaps.  Wonder Woman was one of my childhood heroes, and I’m still a fan today.  I have a pair of red suede sneakers that I wear on occasion when I think I can pull off the shoes with the other things I’m wearing, and when I feel like I need to go out and kick some ass - they’re my Wonder Woman shoes, and I feel powerful when I wear them.

This is the wonder woman doll I was given for my 6th Birthday -don't let the bright colored outfit fool you -she's a real bad-ass.

I wonder though, how having the car she chose for herself before she ever even knew my father taken away, and having the little red Topaz imposed on her made my mother feel.  I wouldn't feel powerful in that situation regardless of any intentions behind the trade.  The best I could expect would be to tolerate and eventually accept and grow to appreciate the little car, I suppose, but I don‘t know if I‘d ever be comfortable with the way in which it was acquired.

This brings me to a little side tangent that’s important.  A friend of mine, fellow member of Jean Jenning’s G7, and fellow car blogger, Motorista, has teamed up with another member of the G7 to start “Project Keychain”.  It’s a venture designed to shed light on the fact that right now, Saudi women do not have the right to drive.

If you’re like me and would have gone into a “Hulk Smash!” mode of rage over some guy deciding what kind of car you would drive, just try to imagine how you’d feel if some group of guys decided that you couldn’t drive at all.  That’s what Saudi women are dealing with right now.  Here’s a excerpt from the Project Keychain Facebook page:

“By custom not law, Saudi women are forbidden to drive. Some brave souls have dared to use their foreign licenses and driven themselves to the market and the mall. To show our solidarity with these women, we began collecting key chains on November 4, 2013.”
To this end, Project Keychain has set up a mail box where people who want to show support for Saudi women’s right to drive can send a keychain as a symbol of alliance.

Here’s the link to the Facebook page for those of you on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/letthemdrive/info

Here’s a link to Motorista’s blog post about it:
http://motoristablog.com/2013/11/04/let-them-drive/

….And here’s the address to send the key chains to if you want to give them a token of encouragement or a note of well-wishing:

4500 Williams Drive, Ste 212
PMB 258
Georgetown, TX 78633

In closing down today’s post, I want to say that it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman -or Wonder Woman, nor does it matter if you've got a the mythical powers of a Topaz stone or the 4-cylinder whine of a Topaz sedan to back you up.  We all need to venture out into the world by wheel or by foot, and be powerful.  Try to do something to be in control of your situation, and if there’s an opportunity, even a small one, to help another person gain some control in their own lives, do what you can to help.

The quest for the Chrysler Conquest and Mitsubishi Starion

About a month ago, I attended my cousin’s wedding.  During the reception, I sat at a table next to the groom’s friend and wedding photographer who asked me if I was the relative of the bride’s who was into cars.  I answered in the affirmative, and he mentioned that he and the groom had been traveling just recently and saw a Chrysler Conquest.  I forget which of the two of them, the groom or his friend, had not immediately been able to name the make and model.  Anyway, he thought it was remarkable because he couldn't recall the last time he had seen one.  I replied that the Chrysler Conquest (nee Plymouth Conquest -since this was a wedding setting, it seems an appropriate way to mention that the Conquest was originally a Plymouth) was the captive import version of the Mitsubishi Starion.  You may recall previous posts about the Mitsubishi 3000GT and the Dodge Stealth, which is another captive import made by Mitsubishi, but badged and sold as a Mopar… there are others, like the Plymouth Laser/Eagle Talon/Mitsubishi Eclipse, and at one point or another, and even still today, major car manufacturers continue to sell rebadged versions of cars that are built by other companies or built for other markets under other names.  Anyway, at the time, I told the groom’s friend that I hadn't seen a Conquest or a Starion in the flesh for at least a decade -at least not one that I could recall seeing.  Well, that changed just last week.

Here’s the June 1983 issue of Motor Trend I pulled from my automotive literature library.  You’ll note that its cover features four vehicles: a Datsun (later to be known as Nissan ) 280ZX, A Mazda RX-7, a Toyota Supra, and a Mitsubishi Starion.  None of these specific model designations survive to this day, but up until 2011, you could buy a Mazda RX-8.  You can still by a Z car -now a Nissan (nee Datsun) 370Z.  A new Toyota Supra could be had up until 2002, and even now, there was talk of a possible comeback for the nameplate, though the same can be said of the MR2, but that hasn't actually come to fruition, either.  With the Scion FR-S (twin to the Subaru BRZ -see how nice brand names are about sharing their cars!), perhaps Toyota figures it’s got that buying demographic somewhat covered.  Mitsubishi really doesn't have anything comparable to the Starion these days, though the 3000GT (known elsewhere as the Mitsubishi GTO) was the Starion’s successor -but as we know, those are gone from the market, too.  So really, the only one of the Motor Trend cover’s vehicles left standing in any type of recognizable form is the Nissan, and even the Z-car disappeared for a while after 1996 when it was known as the 300ZX -though it made a comeback in 2002 as the 350Z, now known as the 370Z.

As I stated previously, the Conquest started out its captive import life in 1983 as a Plymouth, but was married off to Chrysler in 1986 and continued its run up until 1989.  The one I spotted for today’s post doesn't have any badging specifying whether it’s a Plymouth or a Chrysler, though the odds favor Chrysler.  Here’s why.  Both Plymouth and Chrysler sold the Conquest as their own for 3 years, so that’s a 50/50 chance.  In mid 1985, the Conquest’s body work changed.  It went from narrow and sleek to having swelled fenders for more of a wide-body look.  I don’t know enough about these cars to be able to say definitively that these wide body Conquests (of which today’s car is one) -known among Conquest and Starion owners and collectors as “fatties” were all sold as Chryslers rather than Plymouths, but the timing seems as though it was perfect to align with the Chrysler designation.  The Starion featured on our magazine cover and in the article is, of course, from 1983, so it is not a fatty, and thus, it is not as sought after as its big-boned younger sister.

The early Starion/Conquest featured a 2.6L turbocharged inline 4 cylinder engine that could produce 145 HP and 185 lb-ft of torque.  These could be had with a 5 speed manual or an optional 4 speed automatic transmission.  The MSRP listed in the ’83 Motor Trend magazine for the one tested is just shy of $14,000.  These cars came with vented disc brakes all around, and MacPherson strut front and rear independent suspension.  Steering involved a power-assisted recirculating ball set up -a design which was discussed at some length in one of my previous posts that featured the Chrysler Crossfire.  You can probably find some way of dredging up that post if you’re interested in learning more about recirculating balls.  The MT article’s comparo vehicles have the tested Starion as the 2nd least expensive vehicle tested.  The Datsun/Nissan 280ZX was the most expensive, with a tag of over $18,500.  The second most expensive was the Toyota Supra, ringing up at just a hair under $16,000.  Then, there’s the Starion at just shy of $14,000, followed by the Mazda RX-7 at barely over $13,000.  The article about these 4 cars gives the overall win to the Supra, though gave a nod to the Starion for its handling, the 280ZX for its power, and the RX-7 for its price point and nimble feel.

Today’s Conquest not only has the fact that it is a wide body variant going for it.  This car is also a TSI, which means it has an intercooler to go with its turbo and can produce right around 180 HP (the specs vary depending on where you look, but span the ranges between 176 and 188 HP from 1986-1989) and 223 lb-ft of torque.  Today’s Conquest is likely at least a 1986 model year, which means that 2.6L I4 was also gifted with hemispherical combustion chambers to help with sourcing its power.

I don’t particularly care for the paint job on this Conquest, and it is in rough shape, though it could certainly be worse.  Its original steering wheel has been replaced with some aftermarket thing, and I get the feeling somebody tried to soup it up or modify its performance at some point in time due to all the boxes of engine parts that I saw sitting inside the car.

Say we’re in the market for a collectible Conquest or Starion to add to the population of our hypothetical airplane hangar full of interesting cars….  The ideal version of what we would be after would be akin to today’s Conquest insofar as it would be a wide body variant (a “fatty”), and a TSI -which, (quick side tangent, here)  depending on who you ask, stands for “Turbo Sport Injection“, or “Turbo fuel Stratified Injection“.   Though the “stratified” version of it would seem to suggest another layer of injection, and on some vehicles that use that acronym where the S is meant to signify “stratified” for sure, you’ll see a dual layer of forced induction that includes a turbo and a supercharger (see the VW Golf GT), so for the Conquest and Starion, I’d lean more toward the S signifying “Sport”.   Others have said that the “I” stands for intercooler or intercooled, but I really couldn't say with certainty which was the intended meaning. -back to our main stream of discussion, we would want the TSI because we’d want the intercooler.  As far as I’m concerned, that “I” can stand for intercooler, because that‘s why we care that the designation is on the car in the first place.  We would also be shopping for a Conquest or Starion that featured the performance handling package, which you’ll be able to recognize by the fact that it includes rear wheels that are an inch wider(9”) than the front wheels (8“).   We also want one that hasn't been messed with… no silly body kits, no clumsy attempts at increasing power, no messing with the interior -we want an unmolested vehicle.  When these things got really cheap, people who managed to get their hands on Conquests and Starions just couldn't seem to resist the urge to do something when it came to modifications and attempts to pull more power from their cars.  Not all of these guys knew what they were doing, and for many, this meant damage.  For those who did it right, there‘s still not much point.

The rarefied Conquest/Starion happens to be the most valuable while also managing to be the least invested-in.  That’s IF you can find them for sale.  I found one -a pristine Conquest with only 40,000 miles turned up in my online search, sitting in a lot in Pennsylvania with a price tag of right around $13,000 -not too far off from what it would have cost brand new.    The Conquest that’s worth buying is the one that was owned by somebody who didn't feel the need to throw hundreds or thousands of dollars into performance enhancements or giant wing spoilers and body kits.  The superlative Conquest or Starion is in tact -it’s one that was just left the hell alone  ....And really, if you think about it, there’s nothing that anybody can do to these cars that can make them outperform their more modern counterparts without spending an absolute fortune, so we might as well just respect them in their original form and try to appreciate the car as its actual designers intended.  At this point, these cars are 1980’s period pieces of design.  There’s no sense in trying to make them something they’re not, when what they are is still pretty cool.