I should give some props to my little cherry trees for being as resilient as they are. It’s a good thing they seem to thrive on neglect because I’ve done absolutely nothing to help them along this season. On top of that, one of the little trees survived a mauling by a particularly nasty lady who was upset that I called the cops on her because she was assaulting her no-good, cheating boyfriend at the bus stop in front of my house one night a couple years back. After the cops left (nobody wanted to press charges), the lady involved, a large beast of a woman, came charging up my steps and to my window, yelling “It’s on, bitch!” before going over to my little cherry tree sapling and snapping it in half. As if I was in the wrong calling the police to a situation where she was domestically abusing her boyfriend, who was significantly smaller than she. She was on top of him, slapping and hitting him and essentially squashing him into my retaining wall -oh, but I’m the bad guy for calling for help rather than turning a blind eye to the situation. Well enough ranting… It’s just what happens when you’ve got a bus stop situated in front of the house you live in. I’m not a fan of public transport, mostly due to the behavior I see exhibited by the folks who make use of it outside in front of my home. You probably won’t see me doing a profile of a Metro Transit bus anytime soon -or at least not a favorable write up of one.
But I digress.. Back to the cherries. Now, you may be wondering why I’m talking about produce. After all, this is a blog about cars. Rest assured, I have a plan, and this cherry business was the inspiration for it. This week, we’re going to be looking at cars that I choose based on their fruity paint jobs. So, let’s meet today’s cherry red automobile.
This is a 1963 Ford Fairlane 500 2 door hard top. Note that I wrote hardtop rather than just coupe because there’s no B pillar. This car is kind of special to me because back when I was in high school, my siblings and I used to drive one of these. Ours wasn’t cherry red, but rather more of a rose burgundy color, but it was the 2 door hard top with those cool fins and the white streak along the side. It was kind of a neat car, but it sucked up a ton of gas and had the unfortunate habit of filling the passenger compartment with smoke and fumes while we drove along. It wasn’t too long before it was taken out of rotation and replaced with a really shitty Chrysler Cordoba (it was brown and looked like a turd on wheels -I hated that car), which was then taken out of rotation in favor of a boxy little Ford Bronco.
The Fairlane was on the sales floor of Ford dealerships from 1955-1970. It’s named after something that was near and dear to Henry Ford’s heart: his home, Fair Lane in Michigan. The ‘63 Fairlane was the fourth iteration of the model name and was considered a mid-sized car. Its little sibling was the Ford Falcon, which was briefly mentioned in the recent post regarding mallard ducks, and its big brother was the Ford Galaxie.
The Fairlane 500 2 door was priced between $2,300-$2,600 back in 1963 and came standard with a 2.8L V6 that was good for 101 HP, but the one from my youth had a V8. These days, I’m not so sure if it was the 289cu in V8 that was good for about 195 HP or if it was the smaller 221 cu in V8 that produced 145 HP. Either way, by the time my siblings and I got our hands on that car, the engine was on its last legs. My parents still have the old Fairlane, and it’s sitting around as an incomplete project car at this point. If I was anywhere nearby, I could stop in and jot down the VIN from the car, which would let me know what engine spec it originally featured, but alas, I’m not even in the same state.
Some years ago, we yanked the engine out of the old high school whip after a complete mechanical failure only to discover some serious rust issues in the frame and suspension. The plan was to rebuild the car to a new and improved state so my brother could be reunited with his clunker. This plan would include cutting out the rust and fabricating new components to weld in place while at the same time replacing the front suspension with one pulled out of an AMC Pacer (it’s an improvement, trust me). After that, we’d replace the original engine and transmission with a 302 V8 paired with a C4 transmission -both of which are prepped and resting on some stands in the garage at my parent’s house. Alas, other projects took precedence (I got distracted by a very needy MG), and things came up, so this work has yet to be completed. It really is a daunting task though, because rust issues are a major problem to deal with. Not just that, but after all this work, there would still be body work to do on the car thanks to yet more rust issues in the door sills and around the lip of the wheel wells. It’s the type of thing that had better be a labor of love because the investment in the vehicle isn’t going to provide a good return money wise.
You know what would be worth restoring though? Lets hop up one year from 1963 to see. The 1964 Fairlane that came after this one lost its fins, which I think is a shame, because I love fins on cars. What it gained though, was a “Thunderbolt” drag racing package option that plopped a 7.0L V8 under the hood with two 4 barrel carburetors, a ram air set up that flowed through the place where the inner two headlights had been in the grille. The Thunderbolt also featured a lightweight, fiberglass hood, trunk mounted battery, stripped down interior, and nearly 660 HP. Very few of these were made, and if you ever run across a genuine one, even if it’s a complete basket-case sitting in a junk yard (unlikely, but if you do find one there, buy it) you’ve stumbled on to something special.
So, today’s Fairlane is in cherry condition, whereas the Fairlane from my high school days is more of a cherry bomb at this point. Until it’s restored, I’ll just have to settle for a bowl of cherries from my little trees.
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