Viking War Van -original post date 4/26/2013
Last
night, as I was navigating my way through the Haaf ramp, I spotted the
little gem pictured here: A Ford Aerostar van. Not just any Aerostar,
mind you, but the "Vikinator II"... Which means that somewhere in the
world (probably in Minnesota, to narrow
things down) there's a Vikinator I to be found. Keep an eye out,
people, I want to see the vehicle that inspired a sequel in the form of
this purple monstrosity.
Last night was the NFL draft, or some such sports related event that I know of tangentially because the Metrodome calendar made mention of it. I knew that meant it was a dome event day and I risked getting a ticket if I tried my normal free street parking routine downtown. You'll have to forgive my ignorance of sports. I've never taken a keen interest in them; figuring that if and when I want to see a big, dumb animal run around a field chasing a ball, I can just take my dog out to play fetch. I'm sure there are perfectly nice athletes, but between my dissatisfaction with the new Vikings stadium that is being built at great expense even as our local infrastructure is crumbling, and the fact that the brushes I had during my schooling with sports oriented people were by and large unpleasant, I don't view sports in the best light. Vikings, however - not the sports team, but the raiding, plundering Norse people of the late 8th-mid 11th centuries, are a pretty interesting lot.
So, how does ye olde Vikinator II stack up against the vehicle that was the epitome of Viking might and bravery, the Viking war ship? Lets see.
In this corner, we have the slim and limber sea going vessel made with overlapping planks of wood riveted together. These ships could be anywhere from 30' long to around 100' long, leaving room for lots of Vikings in either case. They were capable of sailing the sea at about 10 knots (from what info I've been able to find) or about 11.5 mph, and weathering turbulence as well as navigating rivers. If the ship's owner popped for some extra expense, the vessel featured what we'll call the "Raiding Party Appearance Package" in the form of sculptural elements protruding from the Bow and stern of the ship.
Aside from transport, warring, and raiding activities, these vessels were used for religious purposes. In fact, if you were a high enough ranking Viking, you could be buried in one along with a bunch of your most valuable possessions and perhaps a servant or two who was sacrificed in your honor... All in the name of showing some swagger in the afterlife. If you happened to die in battle, you'd want all that bling to make an entrance when you traveled to Valhalla -you can't have the other deceased warriors seeing you pull up in a dinghy or something, you know.
In the other corner, we have the Vikinator II. Underneath its fabulous horned purple exterior lies a Ford Aerostar minivan. These things were built from 1986-1997 and were available as passenger and cargo vans. The passenger version could hold only 7 people, so on the raiding party capacity front, it loses compared to the 30-100 foot long war ship.
The name Aerostar has significance because it comes from the fact that these vans have a decent drag coefficient compared to their competition of the day. These are aerodynamic vans; thus the first part of the name. So, just as the sleek Viking ships were able to handle sea turbulence, the Aerostar, with its sloped nose, is able to split its way through the breeze as it travels.
Of the two, the Aerostar certainly has a higher top speed, though not if you try to sail it through the water, where it will quickly become an immobile submarine. It's also much easier to find an Aerostar than a genuine Viking ship, as there were over 2 million made during their production run. I have no idea how many Viking ships were made or survive to this day, but I bets it's less than 2 million.
The Aerostar was a front engine, rear wheel drive van, with optional all wheel drive. There were a variety of engines offered from a 2.3L 4 cylinder to a 4.0L 6 cylinder for a range of 100-160 HP. The Aerostar, being rear wheel drive, could tow up to 5,000 lbs, meaning that you could use one to haul your very own Viking war ship to and from the marina.
So, who wins? I guess it depends on if we're measuring by land or by sea. I'm sure though, that if you were to pit the occupants of the Vikinator, with their beer helmets, tailgating gear, and purple jerseys, up against the occupants of a Viking war ship, with their battle helmets, swords, axes, and shields, the real Vikings would win hands down, unless it was in a beer swilling contest - then they'd break even, I bet.
Last night was the NFL draft, or some such sports related event that I know of tangentially because the Metrodome calendar made mention of it. I knew that meant it was a dome event day and I risked getting a ticket if I tried my normal free street parking routine downtown. You'll have to forgive my ignorance of sports. I've never taken a keen interest in them; figuring that if and when I want to see a big, dumb animal run around a field chasing a ball, I can just take my dog out to play fetch. I'm sure there are perfectly nice athletes, but between my dissatisfaction with the new Vikings stadium that is being built at great expense even as our local infrastructure is crumbling, and the fact that the brushes I had during my schooling with sports oriented people were by and large unpleasant, I don't view sports in the best light. Vikings, however - not the sports team, but the raiding, plundering Norse people of the late 8th-mid 11th centuries, are a pretty interesting lot.
So, how does ye olde Vikinator II stack up against the vehicle that was the epitome of Viking might and bravery, the Viking war ship? Lets see.
In this corner, we have the slim and limber sea going vessel made with overlapping planks of wood riveted together. These ships could be anywhere from 30' long to around 100' long, leaving room for lots of Vikings in either case. They were capable of sailing the sea at about 10 knots (from what info I've been able to find) or about 11.5 mph, and weathering turbulence as well as navigating rivers. If the ship's owner popped for some extra expense, the vessel featured what we'll call the "Raiding Party Appearance Package" in the form of sculptural elements protruding from the Bow and stern of the ship.
Aside from transport, warring, and raiding activities, these vessels were used for religious purposes. In fact, if you were a high enough ranking Viking, you could be buried in one along with a bunch of your most valuable possessions and perhaps a servant or two who was sacrificed in your honor... All in the name of showing some swagger in the afterlife. If you happened to die in battle, you'd want all that bling to make an entrance when you traveled to Valhalla -you can't have the other deceased warriors seeing you pull up in a dinghy or something, you know.
In the other corner, we have the Vikinator II. Underneath its fabulous horned purple exterior lies a Ford Aerostar minivan. These things were built from 1986-1997 and were available as passenger and cargo vans. The passenger version could hold only 7 people, so on the raiding party capacity front, it loses compared to the 30-100 foot long war ship.
The name Aerostar has significance because it comes from the fact that these vans have a decent drag coefficient compared to their competition of the day. These are aerodynamic vans; thus the first part of the name. So, just as the sleek Viking ships were able to handle sea turbulence, the Aerostar, with its sloped nose, is able to split its way through the breeze as it travels.
Of the two, the Aerostar certainly has a higher top speed, though not if you try to sail it through the water, where it will quickly become an immobile submarine. It's also much easier to find an Aerostar than a genuine Viking ship, as there were over 2 million made during their production run. I have no idea how many Viking ships were made or survive to this day, but I bets it's less than 2 million.
The Aerostar was a front engine, rear wheel drive van, with optional all wheel drive. There were a variety of engines offered from a 2.3L 4 cylinder to a 4.0L 6 cylinder for a range of 100-160 HP. The Aerostar, being rear wheel drive, could tow up to 5,000 lbs, meaning that you could use one to haul your very own Viking war ship to and from the marina.
So, who wins? I guess it depends on if we're measuring by land or by sea. I'm sure though, that if you were to pit the occupants of the Vikinator, with their beer helmets, tailgating gear, and purple jerseys, up against the occupants of a Viking war ship, with their battle helmets, swords, axes, and shields, the real Vikings would win hands down, unless it was in a beer swilling contest - then they'd break even, I bet.
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