Lets take a closer look at Car On A Stick. For starters, this car has a name: It is a Porsche 914. These little go-getters were sold between 1970-1976 and were the product of a collaboration between Volkswagen and Porsche. Originally, the plan was to sell the 4 cylinder version as a VW and the 6 cylinder version as a Porsche. That plan was scrapped for the US market and they were all Porsches instead. The choice of engine remained, minus the badge engineering, so you could get either a 1.7L flat 4 (boxer type engine like the one discussed in the Subaru post a while back) that made 79HP and 98 lb ft of torque, or a 2.0L flat 6 (also boxer style) that made 106HP and 116 lb ft of torque.
These little cars were offered only as “Targa” topped vehicles. Targa is a term trademarked by Porsche that refers to a quasi-convertible set up that features a removable roof panel and an integrated roll bar. Not to be confused with a T-top. Other manufacturers offer similar set ups with other names.
The engine and drive train in a 914 is positioned in the middle of the car, right behind the driver and passenger. There are other cars that offered this type of set up, like the Toyota MR2, the Pontiac Fiero, or the Fiat X1/9, which bears a striking resemblance to the Porsche 914, by the way. This configuration is great from a handling and racing perspective, centering weight evenly and providing better traction to the drive wheels than a front engine-rear wheel drive design does. The down side is that this can make the ride noisy and cramped for functional day to day stuff.
Brand new, the cost of these vehicles started around $3,500 and ended around $6,000 retail. These days, you can buy yourself a “project” grade 914 for around $1,200 on Ebay, or a restored, high quality example for around 10 times that amount.
Doesn’t sound like a bad car, does it? So what could this little Porsche possibly have done to deserve a fate like being turned into Car On A Stick along side the interstate? For that inquiry, let’s examine the clues. The bible verse referenced on the side of the car is Psalm 46:10, which, according to my google search is the following in the King James version of the bible: “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the heathen. I will be exalted in the earth.”
So, is the Porsche being exalted to God-like status here? Probably not. The Porsche 914 was hardly exalted among Porsche aficionados, who didn’t care for its roots in collaboration between Porsche and what some felt was a lesser, not so elite company like VW. This was back before VW owned a controlling share of Porsche, mind you, and Volkswagen is the “People‘s car“, whereas Porsches were certainly more exclusive in terms of who could afford to own one. The 914 was often derisively referred to as the “VW Porsche 914“, and if you showed up at your local Porsche owner’s car club with one, you’d be considered small time, if not entirely dismissed for not owning something more purely Porsche. It’s a crappy attitude to have about a car that’s frankly, quite cute. At the same time, it is true that this car was originally dreamed up to be both VW and Porsche, and was meant to replace the Porsche 912 as well as the VW Karmann Ghia. Those snooty Porsche purists weren’t totally off base with their scorn. I think it’s safe to say that whoever made Car On A Stick was not trying to exalt the Porsche 914.
How about flipping it around and looking at the car as a way to exalt the biblical God? Is this poor little 914 being held up to the heavens on a stick as an offering or sacrifice to God? As sacrificial rituals go, I guess it wouldn’t be too strange considering they could be offering livestock or something instead, but what kind of God would demand the sacrifice of innocent Porsches? And if one has to ask What Would Jesus Drive, a Porsche 914 is not what springs to my mind so much as some kind of Dodge product with its crosshair grill that is, of course, cross-like in appearance.
Then again, what if this Porsche isn’t so innocent? Back when I was a kid in high school, I spotted a little yellow 914 parked in a VW repair shop lot on 2nd Ave, across the street from the place where I would later bring my MG for some electrical work. The repair shop was licensed to sell cars as well, and the little Porsche was parked there for sale on consignment for one of the shop’s customers. At the time, I was in love with the idea of tinkering around on one of these, and had started saving up some money from my job at the mall to try to get it. I talked to my dad about it finally, because I wasn’t old enough to sign any paperwork to take ownership, and he put the kibosh on the whole idea, saying there was a good likelihood that the car was a basket case, and even if it wasn’t, I could still count on having it be less than reliable. That was that.
So, perhaps this little 914 let its owner down one too many times and was nominated as sacrificial Car On A Stick to atone for its break downs and unreliable nature. That just seems so harsh though. Could you imagine if everybody did something like that when their cars acted up too often? My MG would have been kabobbed dozens of times over by now for all the misery it likes to impart!
And who is that hanging out of the top of the 914? A mannequin to be sure… or the best job of hiding a body in plain sight ever! -and really, would you put murder past the type of person who could be so cruel to such a cute little Porsche? I wouldn’t. Let’s just say though, that it’s a dummy, which it probably is. Does the dummy represent the “heathen” mentioned in the biblical passage: “I will be exalted among the heathen”? But then why would the heathen be raised up to the sky? He or she is not the one being exalted here. I’ve never taken a poll or anything, but perhaps a 914 is considered the choice mode of conveyance among heathens… I don’t know. This whole thing seems crazy to me, and a waste of a perfectly good little project Porsche.
Every time I drive on 94, I feel a little pang of sorrow at the sight of this 914. Car On A Stick, you have my pity.
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